Loud Girl

Snow, snow, snow...

So it's 4:43 PM (Wednesday), and I'm trying to alleviate my boredom. Aside from "Loud Girl", which doesn't start until 18:30, I have absolutely nothing to do today. It sucks pretty bad. I never thought I'd actually miss going to school.

Come to think of it, I don't believe I've mentioned "Loud Girl" before, have I? It's either way a music project with the purpose of getting more girls into the music (rock) industry, and I have to say, being in an all girl rock band is pretty dang neat. Unlike guys, who tend to crank up the amp volume and sing like monkeys on crack, these chicks actually want to learn music - and play songs made by real musicians like Patti Smith and the Runaways. If the girls are up for it, I would love covering "Cherri Bomb". BAM!

I must say, it feels quite good to finally be able to focus solely on music. The pain he left behind still burns and festers, but... I don't know. For the first time ever, I'm free to do whatever I want: For the first time ever, I don't have someone who depends on me, and truth to be told, I don't know what to make of that. I miss him, so, so much, and if I could get him back, it'd be a no-brainer, but I can't. Perhaps it's easier to deal with this than I thought because it doesn't feel like he's really gone?

I applied to Tech Music School a while ago, and sent in my demo for their One year Cert guitar program yesterday. After practice tonight I'll have to prepare a demo for the vocal program as well, and I'm so bloody nervous I feel like I'm falling apart.

It's still only 4:57 PM. Perhaps I should write another chapter on Sirocco.

xXx,
CJ

Love will shoot you down

I never realised I would have to live with the hurt of losing you.

I miss you.

I love you.

Please, please come back.

Under the bloody weather

So I'm feeling a tad under the weather, and I absolutely hate it. I'm not a very patient person, and when I come down with a fever because my stepfather chooses to bring his sick 9-year old here, my patience runs shorter than usual. This fucking fever messes up all my plans for this week. Bloody germs!

The fever, sneezes, and coughing fits aside, I have some things going on this week (which I so hope I'll be able to see through) which should be enough to pull me out of my dark hole of depression and worthlessness. This Friday, I'm going to a showjumping yard about two hours from here for a job interview (which basically consists of working there for a day or two). I'll admit, I don't feel very elated about possibly living away from home and working six days a week, but I'm in such a desperate need for money, and considering how hard it is to find work these days, even working in a yard seem pretty good.

I'm also trying to learn how to play some Tom Petty songs, to give my guitar playing a boost. I really love Tom Petty, so I hope my future covers of his genius songs won't be totally worthless.

Anyways... I guess I'm off to write "Sirocco" and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Cheers,
<3 Avie

'Cause you had a bad day

Today is a day of disappointment, and the reason is spelled expensive course literature.

The background story is the following: A few weeks ago, I was accepted to a free-standing, internet-based course in "Russian for beginners", and I have been looking forward to it immensely. Registration for the course opened last week, but it wasn't until today I was given information about what books we would be required to buy for the course, and that knowledge has ruined effin' everything for me. Why?

The bloody book costs 900 SEK (approximately 1100 dollars), and I can't find any used copies for sale anywhere. It really, truly sucks. Even if I could convince myself that one book is worth such a huge amount of money, the fact still stands that right now, I can't even afford to pay my cellphone bill.

I guess I'll just have to settle for playing my damn guitar and make my Sims earn a fortune in simoleons.

Delivery

Just yesterday, I was pouring my heart out to Sarah and whined about how fucking miserable I felt, and how it wouldn't be fair for anything more to go wrong in my life. I felt down about pretty much everything: not having any money, not being able to get a job, not exercising enough, not being as committed to learning guitar as I should be, etc etc.

Yet today, I find myself feeling strangely... content: Like I'm doing as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances.

The reasons as to why I don't feel like slitting my wrists right now is likely these:

1) My new teachers at Komvux (Swedish Adult Education...) were positive when I asked about the possibilites of doing my studies at home, instead of going to class. I was convinced they would be real mean bastards and tell me to either come to class or go fuck myself, but they didn't, for which I'm eternally grateful. Perhaps this whole "improving my High school grades" will actually work out this time.

2) After having hounded my uni teachers through the entire summer, they finally told me I had earned a pass in their classes, and it boosted my spirits enormously. Though I still won't get any money from CSN, at least I only need 3 more credits until I'm entitled to financial aid again. I realize a meteor will probably fall on my head tomorrow as punishment for me being positive, but if that happens, I'll have a good excuse as to why I haven't done my homework :D

3) I have been looking for an opportunity to complete some of the required work experience for admittance to Vet school (Yes, I know it's about four years left, so shut up!), and I finally got the boss of our local veterinary clinic on the phone. It's not a sure deal yet, but with some good riddance, I'll be embarking on my work experience a couple of weeks from now.

If I could become a guitar god, get accepted to CCNY, and win the lottery by Christmas, Life would be perfect.

xXx,
Avaiva

And there was light

I think... I'm going to start using this dusty 'ol blog again. For a while, anyway.

In three hours I'm supposed to be at Gothenburg Central to step onto a bus which will take me to Stockholm during the night. Why, you might ask, and the simple answer is that the effin' American Embassy is in Stockholm, and to get my US visa I have to attend a ten minute long interview. Why couldn't they have had an office in Gothenburg, anyway? Thanks to the Embassy being in the other end of the country, I had to pay 1000 sek for bus tickets, and have a total of about fifteen hours in a bus to look forward to.

Things could be worse, I guess. But I'm not much for looking at the bright side.

Oh well... Wish me luck, mates.

Crush, crush, crush

2 weeks left 'til graduation!

And just... one week left til Sarah gets back! I've been bouncing around like a monkey on crack since I got the good news. Gods, do I miss her!

I don't have much time, b/c I have an essay craving my undivided attention and a car to crash, but I just have to tell you about my rather unfortunate run-in with my biggest crush E.V.E.R at pressbyrån yesterday:

Friend and I enter store and walk over to the magazine stands*
Friend: Why don't you buy this one?
Me: Nah, my mom already bought that one
Friend: Uhm... maybe that one, then? *points*
Me: Oh my god, we have to get out of here
Friend: why?
Me: Because the guy I'm in love with is staring at me
Friend: Where?! WHere?!
Me: THERE! On the cover of Rocksound!
Friend: You stupid cow. A magazine cover cant frickin' stare at you!
Me: You don't know what you're talking about! He IS staring at me! I can't breathe! Leave me alone!
*runs out of the store*

I HATE my crush. I hope he gets run over by a truck... or shows up outside my door in the middle of the night with a ring in his pocket. I think I'd prefer the last one.